the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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