there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
