this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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