hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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