Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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