I am puke
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
