i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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