She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
