Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
