I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
