i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
