There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
