yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
