like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize