I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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