I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
