I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize