you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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