big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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