Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
