Got a toothbrush?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
