it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
