New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
