Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize