he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You pole danced in your parka.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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