Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
