I'm so fucking centered right now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
