just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
