My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
