If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
