No stitches, just platelets and will power
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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