Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
