You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
