Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
