i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
