He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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