I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize