yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
