I have demons in me.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
