you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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