very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
