i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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