I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
