Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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