it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no, he came in my armpit
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
