It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
