she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
