At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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