I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
