and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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