Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
