They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
