Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
