My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
