Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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