i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
