Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
