Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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