is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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