my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
