It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize