Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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