I love black thongs
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
