Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
