I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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