I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
