OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
