2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
