dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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