another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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