just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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