Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
